In the past 2 years of my absence from my blog, i've found new strength and discovered myself. Now that i'm back, i guess i have alot to update. so let's do it one at a time. this entry will be about faith.

how many times have we believed but ended up disappointed by the results? LOTS!

how many times have we been disappointed and discouraged but still we kept on going at it? LOTS!!

and how many times have we hoped for a different result even though we know deep inside it's not gonna change? LOTS!!!

all in the name of faith. we believe one day a miracle will happen on us and we end up getting what we want.

i've been after this girl for almost a year, and i've been rejected alot of times. In the end we did got together, but it lasted for only 3 months. It was faith that kept me going, pursuing what i thought was my happinese. but my friends, i did not regret spending that one year of my life on her, cos it was during that period of time i was doing something that i was really happy about. some said this is a waste of time. if things did not go your way, MOVE ON DUDE! but hey, it is this very act of pursuit of happinese that i believed is making me happy.

i got a friend, changkwang. he is a stout buddhist. he has a girlfriend, who is a muslim indian. both of them had been together for the past 7 years. but recently he told they are gonna break up soon, because of the differences in religion practice. so i posed a question to him. it is very hard for a muslim to relinquish her religion and convert to another religion, plus he is a strong believer, if he had seen it coming that it is gonna end, why hold on for 7 years? The answer he gave me. we both love each other alot, and we've hoped for a miracle. a miracle that one of us might convert, but it never came. so we both agreed after waiting for 7 years, it is time to let go.

the power of faith is so strong. what i really want to say is don't be discouraged by the bleak future. if u're happy doing something not worthwhile, go ahead be a spoilt brat and do something stupid for once. And if your miracle don't come, so what?! hey you've tong4 tong4 kuai4 kuai4 lived your life. Now let's pray.

I pray that this faith that you've given us is a blessing which will keep us on the right track towards our goal. And that even though the outcome is different, we will bear in mind that we had enjoyed this process of pursuing our happinese. Even if given an easier alternative, it is because of this faith that we did not stray. Which when we looked back at ourselves, we will see that we had once stayed true to ourselves and lived a life with no regret. Amen.

guess what... NDP'05 and Sunset Bay's birthday falls on the same day. and there's gonna be a party at sunset bay to celebrate its 10th birthday...

guess what's more... some people actually say sunset bay's 10th birthday party is bigger then NDP'05 SINGAPORE'S 40TH BIRTHDAY BASH... OH COME ON!!!!!

totally disappointed in those scumbags. they actually have the cheek to say sunset bay gonna have a bigger party then NDP'05.... guess that's what comes out of that brainless woman who only seeks pleasure and fun...

GET IT IN YOUR PEA BRAINS PEOPLE, ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE PUT IN ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT OF EFFORT EVER SINCE LAST YEAR AUGUST...

WE HAVE THE PRESIDENTS, MINISTERS, SAF, FIRMS AND COMPANIES WHO POURED IN HUGE SUMS OF MONEY, SCHOOLS, CONSTITUTION AND SINGAPOREANS INVOLVED IN THIS YEAR'S NDP... YOU CALL YOUR tiny-weeny-little party bigger then NDP'05...

WE HAVE SINGAPOREANS AS THE CROWD, WE HAVE THE BEST CREW FOR THE STAGE AND FIELD EFFECT, WE CLOSED ROADS JUS FOR NDP'05, WE HAVE HEARTLANDS CELEBRATIONS REACHING OUT TO EVERY CORNER OF SINGAPORE, WE HAVE THE WHOLE PADANG BOOKED JUS TO BECOME OUR DANCEFLOOR AT THE END OF THE SHOW, WE HAVE FIREWORKS TO HEIGHTEN THE ATMOSHERE. AND WE HAVE AIR-TIME COVERAGE TO BRING THE PARTY TO EVERY SINGLE TELEVISION IN SINGAPORE. WHAT THE HELL IS sunset bay's 10th birthday compared to NDP'05 SINGAPORE GOING THROUGH 40 YEARS OF AGE?

it is like a plankton compared to a WHALE. WAKE UP YOUR FREAKING PEA BRAIN IDEAS. FANCY GETTING EXCITED OVER A small party, WHEN THE REAL THING'S ROARING AWAY... sunset bay won't even STEAL A SINGLE PHOTON OF LIMELIGHT...

GET REAL.. ENOUGH SAID.

alright 2 more shows to go. one last preview and the NDP itself. the day itself. the one day that ends it all! D-DAY itself! H-HOUR itself!

GUYS AND GALS OUT THERE MUST WATCH THE NDP'05. my show's the ACT 1. the most colourful act... yup... must support must support.

today i'm here to scold myself. myself. myself. myself.

i strayed. strayed from my beliefs. i had the power and ability to help those dudes out, but i didn't. i chose to go back to the comforts of my house, while they suffer there. in another words i left them to die.

today's NE Show 1 was a blast. guess the kids enjoyed themselves. guess everyone enjoyed themselves too. ohhh well....

opps, been long since i've blogged...tt' because nothing major has happened. but of course something interesting have happened tt's i'm blogging now hahaha.

there's this topic that i want to explore tt is words vs. action

i've been involved in NDP ever since i was posted to 3 signal, but the earlier part was something to do with sponsorship of NDP, now its the coaching of secondary sch kids for the ACT 1 of the whole show. yeah sure the job isn't physically consuming, as compared to the work that my fellow counterparts are doing. my job an auxiliary instructor a.k.a, AI. my fellow counterparts job, essential services, a.k.a, SK. they basically take care of all the shit work involve. props, rubbish, water, ration.......blah blah blah blah...

the effective working hours of AI is 1200 - 2200. as for SK its 0800 - 0030. and the AI's and SK all come from the same company. which means we are colleagues and friends that shared a considerable amount of time together in camp.

in camp i see the AI's mixing around with the SK people like friends and buddies. they joke they talk they play. this may be a jovial and friendly situation to you, but if you compare it to the scene where late at night around 2230 everybodies shag and tired the AI do not lend a helping hand to SK. whilst people from SK are staying and slogging their freaking guts out until 0030 midnight, the AI's are probably back at home taking a shower, lying on bed, reading their books, surfing the net... is this wat friends that spend time with you will do, forsaking them others when they need you most.

i stay all the way through the night with the pple from SK, helped and sweated with them to move hundreds of props back to an area which has to be lighted up with car headlights. i took cab home every saturday night jus so i can suffer through thick with them. if i can do it, why can't the AI's do it....

anyway i'm an AI too.

saturday was an eventful day. i dedicate today's blog to xiaoqing and syafiq.

i went out with my class today! yeah! finally i saw xiaoqing and syafiq together. they look so happy. such a cute couple. xiaoqing with the blur character. syafiq with the playful character. they both make such a cute couple. so envious. but dun get me wrong, what i meant by envious is that i didn't know couples can be so sweet and fun. haha from now on i'll refer xiaoqing and syafiq as xiaofiq for simplicity sake.

xiaofiq's going through honeymoon period eh... i pray you all stay sweet and loving as always like today, and everyday's honeymoon for you all. but if everyday couldn't be honeymoon for xiaofiq, i still hope you guys stay true to the path that you all have chosen to walk down together. no matter what happens, always remember the very first reason why've you guys have decided to get together. if it ever hits the rough patch, remember that you guys have taken a considerable amount of period of time just to be together. don't ever let the unneccesaries get in between you guys.

awww....SO HEARTWARMING...

what is it between other people and me that seperates me from them? how can i do away with this thing that is between them and me? i've already done something about it. so what is it that is still between them and me? is there something in my life that i cannot control? is this what the chinese serial drama always calls it, there is no fate between them and me?

i am increasingly disliking the idea of fate.

i'm enlightened now.

i will not give up. if something i've done cannot bring me to them. it onli goes to show that this method DON'T WORK & it ISN'T EFFECTIVE. i'll try again, another way, a different way. i cannot give up now. i'll stay true to my choice that i've made. resolution will stick with me until i fulfill what i've set out to do.

Alpha niner to HQ. Plan A has failed. Proceeding on to Plan B...